left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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