Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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