Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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