So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
