I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
