grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
