mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
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I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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