Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
