what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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