I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
