I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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