we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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