You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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