My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
