Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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