My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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