I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.