And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.