Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm