ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator