Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
