She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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