Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
