my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
