Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
