I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
