she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
