Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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