And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
