Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
