i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
whose parrot is this?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
