In the future we'll all be gay
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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