I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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