I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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