i just had sex bonerless
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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