I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
