so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
