She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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