It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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