why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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