addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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