its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
