I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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