oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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