yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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