I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
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I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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