I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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