I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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