Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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