Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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