They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
