So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
