Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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