Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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