I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize