DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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